An experience that started with my instinct saying no: the training in Jordan.

Thursday 5 May 2022

Home / Experiences / #RewriteYourStory / An experience that started with my instinct saying no: the training in Jordan.

It’s Thursday, March 31st. I am sitting in front of my laptop, and I think that one week ago, at this very moment, I was flying from Amman to Bergamo, coming back from an experience that had started with my instinct saying no. 

Inside of me, I was saying no to starting a journey while I distractedly read an email that confirmed the international training event would take place. 

In my mind, all I could hear was that fearful no, filled with the fear of opening myself up to the world after two years of lockdowns and Covid. Moreover, I was afraid of flying.  

And then, what about me? I couldn’t help thinking about that clumsy, embarrassed person who is incapable of starting a conversation in English because she believes she doesn’t know a word. Oh well, I can understand it quite well, but I am so ashamed when it comes to speaking. 

I tried not to think about it for some time because I knew I wanted to go, but something blocked me. 

With a racing heart and without overthinking, I answered that email and wrote that I was interested, but a part of me kept saying, “you can always give up at a certain point”. 

And then here comes the preparation meeting for the Winter camp in Jordan at CESIE premises. 

After one year of video lessons, to me to be there in a circle, looking into other people’s eyes and listening to their voices without any sound issues was like finding myself again: I wasn’t feeling lonely anymore, and I couldn’t wait to leave together with my course mates, I was sure it would be a great experience that could give me a lot and make me grow from a cultural point of view, but there’s more.

From that moment on, I only thought about beautiful things and the great opportunity I had been given. 

Now, I still need to process the past few days, and I want to take some time to think, breathe the air of novelty that I brought along with me and do some research. 

There are many starting points, including the meeting at the National Agricultural Research Center, which has a special place for me because it allowed me to get to know better the scientific studies conducted on bees, the buzzing world I want to be part of!

I also found a country that has stolen a piece of my heart, and I want to keep on discovering it. It was impossible not to think about Palestine, which was there, somewhere over the sea. Travelling by bus to our destination, I could see it dormant, almost sleepy, ready to scream or whisper its story to those willing to listen to it. 

Now I can’t wait to know more to understand deeply. 

It was a unique experience. It was as if I recognised myself again, and I cannot explain why. 

I left Jordan, and I brought with me immense gratitude, a huge shukran as big as Palestine, Spain, Italy, and Tunisia!

And so, I say Yalla Yalla! More or less ready for a new adventure and to rewrite my story



Letizia Portera:

11 + 7 =